At the end of my journaling last night I wrote, “Lord, I am ready. Only please be gentle for You know I weak. Nevertheless, not my will but thy will be done.” I have often prayed such prayers that God would try me and test me to refine me and rid me of my worldliness. I have always made this request with some fear, for I knew the chastisement of God would not be pleasant at the time, but necessary and ultimately for my good. Despite these prayers I was not expecting to be in a car accident this morning with a possibly totaled car, ticket for failure to yield, likely higher insurance premiums and unlikely to receive any reimbursement for the damage to my car. Thankfully no one was hurt, and the only damage was to the vehicles. I am somewhat at a loss as to what to do (since I not only lost my means of transportation but also my house), but am confident God was and is watching over me. My friend Matt, who I was visiting, has been a true friend and brother to me in remaining with me and offering me a place and even places to stay almost indefinitely. Truly God is merciful with His people even in His judgments. I am still waiting to have the damages to the car accessed, but I believe it is substantial. Of the damage to my possessions I don't know yet, but I believe my guitar is destroyed.

I am undaunted, however, for I am as certain or more so of God's work in this as in any good gift I have received from Him. Lord willing I will soon continue on with my journey, hopefully more sobered and thankful than before. Certainly this could have been my end, and while I am ready to die and even think with joy that I was so close to seeing my Savior, I am confronted with my own mortality. I feel compelled to ask you, my readers, if you have confronted yours, or do you amble on through life with no thoughts of eternity. Does your conscience pain you, or have you ignored it for so long you can no longer feel it? Or do you think that God will not require payment for your sins? I know my life of selfishness, worldly lusts and pride scream out in condemnation of me, but I have an advocate with the Father, my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Can you also say that Christ is most lovely? That all your hope is in Him? Or do you even think of Him? Whenever your time on this earth draws to an end, be it soon or late, and your secret thoughts and deeds rise up to drag you to hell, who will be your advocate? He alone is able to save, but He is willing only now. No amount of pleas will move Him with compassion in that day. You will be told, “Depart from me for I never knew you.” Do not think yourself in no danger because you are no worse than me. Indeed, my sins are great, but my forgiveness is greater. God through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ is alone able to forgive sins. Apart from Him you will perish. I speak not of muttering some prayer in a moment of guilt, but in a life of dying daily for Him. Of ever falling more in love with Him. This is what it is to be a Christian. I regret my life has been such a poor example of this, but I beg you not to reject the message because of the messenger. Do not let even this blog rise up to condemn you, for truly you are without excuse before the Lord. I am not trying to judge you, for I cannot see into your soul, but judge yourselves whether you are in the faith or merely deceived.

Seth