Just a quick note

Not going to say a whole lot, just that I dropped $1137.50 on a season pass to the mountain last week. Yes, $1137.50. That is a lot of of money for someone who doesn't even know how to snowboard yet. But I did go yesterday (12/1/07). By midday I was doing okay. Still wiping out and getting going faster than I was comfortable, but definitely a good bit of improvement from the beginning of the day and the one other time I went a couple years ago. My left butt cheek is pretty sore from catching my back edge, and my neck is a bit stiff from one pretty nasty bust. I also fell and ran into a dude once. But all in all, a lot of fun, and I'm excited about getting better.

Love and miss you all. Love all the pictures.

More misadventures of Seth

Warning, another long one.

Is it just me, or does it seems that my plans never go according to plan? Not that I am lamenting it. Most of my most enjoyable memories have arisen from most of my most miserable misfortunes. I think it is God’s ever-present witness of His sovereignty in my life. If all of my plans went according to plan, and all of my happiness arose from my happy situations, there would be little cause for praising and worshipping God. But alas, this is certainly not the case for me. A simple recollection is plenty enough proof for me that God is working all things for my good. Friday after Thanksgiving was just such a day. My friend Greg, the Overnight Bellman at the Four Seasons who I share those most active hours of the day 2300 to 0700 with, and I went fishing together down on the Salt River after work Friday. Though it was still pretty cold, the sun was shining and it was looking like it was going to be a beautiful day. We drove down to Alpine (small town south of Jackson) where he lives and ate some breakfast (whole wheat bread with honey that was surprisingly tasty and filling) and waited for it to warm up a bit. Since Greg doesn’t fly fish, and I didn’t know the river, I decided to just borrow a spinning rod from him and fish that way. We stopped at the local shop, and I bought a rooster tail and a sinking Rapala crankbait for the exhorbent prices of $2.50 and $9.25 respectively. Yes, that’s right, $9 freakin 25 for one lure (Remember that, it’s important to the story). Anyway, we began fishing and knowing that I am prone to losing lures, I began with the rooster tail. No joke, first cast I get hung, can’t get it free, break the line, I’m out my $2.50 rooster tail. But it was a beautiful day, and I was glad to be out doing something, so I didn’t mind. Of course now I’m even antsier about using my $9.25 Rapala (that’s before tax, too), so I borrow one of Greg’s rooster tails. I fish with this for a while and hook two, but lose them both. In the meantime Greg hooks and lands one with his $8.50 Rapala. He offers to let me use another copy of the same lure, but I’m still a bit nervous about losing it, so I decline. We continue on walking down the river fishing. My fingers keep starting to hurt, and so I have to keep shaking them to get the blood flowing back into them and warm them up. Eventually Greg tells me to stuff them down my pants, which works really well since I’m wearing fleece pants underneath my snowboard pants (When I say pretty cold, that means snow on the ground and below freezing, not TN pretty cold as in 60 degrees). Anyway I finally thought I’d figured out how to fish the Rapala (yes, the $9 freakin 25 Rapala) without losing it, so I tied it on. I fished for a while, but was seriously considering quitting because my thumb was hurting so badly from the cold. When I would put my gloves on to keep them warm, they kept catching on the reel, and I could barely wind it in. Greg told me I’ve got to try this one more place before we go back so I walk down the river a ways to where the Salt runs into the Snake River. I fished there for a while and was getting ready to call it a day when, yes, need I say it, I get my $9 freakin 25 Rapala hung. I walked up and down the bank trying to change the angle hoping to work it free but to no avail. That went on for a while, but eventually I conceded and tried to pull it free or break the line. To my utter excitement, the lure pulled free. Of course, in my attempts to get it free, the line had gotten tangled up in some brush out in the river and would get hung again as soon as I tried to reel it in. I slowly pull the lure up to the brush and give it one big jerk to try and pull it through. It came through perfectly and I excitedly yelled over to Greg that I had gotten it free. I started reeling it in only to discover that somehow (and this one I don’t understand) I was hung again. This time I could see its green and yellow body in the water only about 15 feet away in what looked like water only about a foot to foot and a half deep. I again walked up and down the bank trying to work it loose but to no avail. Eventually I had to try and pull it free and the line broke. Now I’d been fishing with the lure for quite a while with no luck, and I wasn’t a spin fisherman anyway, so the lure wasn’t super important to me, but just the principle of losing a lure that costs $9 freakin 25 on my first day and in a place where I could see it just didn’t sit well with me. So I told Greg I was going in after it. Now as I said, it was pretty cold, but I didn’t mention that the whole bank along which we’d been fishing was lined with ice. Big sheets of ice had been floating down the river all day, at times getting caught in eddies and flipping halfway out of the water. In fact I’d gotten hung on ice several times throughout the day. So I knew the water was going to be cold, but I didn’t think it would be a big deal. I’d strip down to my underwear, wade in (the water shouldn’t get above my knees), get the lure, dry off with my fleece pants and then clothe back up good as new. Greg tried his best to persuade me not to, but really I just couldn’t walk away from a lure so expensive and so close. I got him to come over because I imagined I wasn’t going to be able to climb back up the back. I stood there shivering in my underwear and base layer shirt, standing on my neck warmer, so I wouldn’t have to put my bare feet in the snow, waiting for him. He eventually came over, and I climbed down the bank. At the point I had chosen to enter the water, there was a sheet of ice extending about 4 to 5 feet out into the river. I stepped on this slowly weighting it to break through. It broke fairly easily and I stepped down through the water on to what I thought was going to be rounded rocks. This was another miscalculation, as the bottom was mud that was slightly textured and looked like rocks. I got out of the water to look again, but everywhere there was just mud that looked like rocks, but no rocks. That one step in had also giving me a taste of the temperature of the water, and it was cold. I knew it was going to be cold, but mentally you can’t really prepare for that extreme of a cold. It’s always colder than what you thought. Plus the water was deeper than appeared and with sinking in the mud, the water had already been above my knees, and that had been just the first step. I contemplated not going back in, but I was wet already, and I’d already told Greg I was going to get it, so back in I went. I walked out to it, losing feeling in my feet as I went and getting deeper as I went. When I got within about 3 feet of it, besides almost slipping and getting completely wet and the water lapping dangerously close to my groin area, I realized that I would have to submerge my whole arm in to reach the lure. That didn’t seem too appealing as it meant I’d get my shirt wet, and I could totally see myself falling while trying to bend over and reach it while shivering and with completely numb feet. I got Greg to toss me a rod which I caught (all those years of football coming in handy) and was surprisingly able to fish the lure out easily. When I reached to pull it off the rod though, I couldn’t help but chuckle. At some point in trying to get it free, I had broken the entire bill off, part of the wooden body and the ring to attach the line. Ha. The lure was completely destroyed and worthless. Ha. I’m laughing about it even now. I told Greg and he began laughing even harder. Apparently the sight of me in my underwear wading through ice is a comical scene, so he’d already been laughing a good bit. I waded back to the bank, got help climbing out and stood there shivering just laughing. I had planned on coming out the water clean, but instead my feet were covered in mud, so I grab my fleece pants and started cleaning them and drying off. My legs were cold, but my feet felt like ice blocks. Actually, they didn’t feel like anything. It just felt like something was there at the end of my leg, but there wasn’t enough feeling to know anything about it. I finally got my socks, fleece pants, snowboard pants, boots and two jackets back on and immediately started walking back to the truck. We were probably close to half a mile away from the truck by then, which at first I was dreading, but the walking ended being the best thing for me. For the first quarter mile or so, I was just walking on those unknowable things at the end of my legs. After that, a little bit of a burning sensation came (which I actually welcomed) and by the time I reached the truck I was good as new. I had planned to get in and crank up the heat and throw my feet up in front of the vents, but the walking had sufficiently circulated my blood to warm them. I waited for Greg, who I unfortunately missed seeing almost bust scrambling up the rock covered hillside. We got in his truck and eventually got turned around, almost getting stuck several times and eventually headed back down the icy road, almost sliding off of it a couple of times.

So what lessons can we learn from this. The first one is pretty obvious. I’m an idiot. I think I pride myself on being a pretty smart guy, but really, I’m pretty stupid. I make a lot of bad decisions that miraculously all work out fine. At some point people are going to start catching on to this and realize that I’ve bs’ed my way through 27 years of life. I can totally see how people get hypothermia and die from falling in freezing water now. Fortunately Greg was there so that even if I had slipped he could have fished me out, but if someone were to accidentally submerge in water like that, even for a moment, I could see how they could die. First, your head getting that cold that quick would probably really screw up your thinking and give you at best a splitting headache, at worst maybe knock you unconscious. Second, your hands getting that cold would probably make them totally worthless as far as intricate tasks such as buttoning, zipping, tying shoe laces, starting a fire and maybe even putting clothes on or taking clothes off. Third, you would lose a vast amount of heat in the brief time you were submerged and continue to lose it until you dried off (which would be difficult with your hands as functional as clubs). All this to say, I should be careful. Not that I really care whether I live or die, but what a lame way to go. “Yeah, we found him frozen. He went fishing, fell in and died before he could get back to get help and warm up.” Lame.

I haven’t decided what I’m going to do with the $9 freakin 25 Rapala. I kept it of course, and it has become my new favorite lure. No way I’d sell it for a meager $9 freakin 25.

Thoughts for the day

This is what I wrote in my journal today. I hope that I truly believe it.

God, why have You chosen me to pour out Your blessings on? I am certainly no more deserving than countless others. If I have a superlative or distinguishing trait, it is only that I am most wicked. And yet, everywhere I go, You maketh me to lie down in green pastures, leadeth me beside the still waters and prepareth a table for me in the resence of mine enemies. My cup runneth over. Of billions of humans, , why have You given grace to me? You knew I would fail You. You knew I would heap up idols above You. You knew I would look at the cross, knowing what it means, and spit upon it. You knew that I would squander Your gifts and blessings, and seek to glorify myself rather than You. Is it my exceeding wickedness? Truly no man is without hope if You are willing and able to save one such as I. If it is my lot to be a trophy to the great extent of Your ability to forgive the greatest of sinners, so be it. But may I also be a testament to Your power to not just forgive, but change lives? Would You glorify Yourself by causing such a sinner to be such a saint? And yet how can I ask for more, when I have received so much. Regardless of what You do, from justly damning me to everlasting torment, or mercifully calling me to Your glorious presence forever, You are beautiful. In every way perfect. Just, yet merciful. Beyond comprehension, yet knowable. If sending me to Hell to bear unquenchable, unending pain and misery most glorifies You, then I await the flames. In the midst of my screams of pain, I will still say, “Praise Jehovah.”

Settled in

I got moved into my apartment this week and have spent 2 nights there. My roommate, Ben, seems like a really good Christian guy, and I look forward to getting to know him better. The apartment is small, but meets my needs. It's one room with a loft, small kitchen, a very small bathroom and the smallest shower I've ever been in. Ben has the loft and doesn't take up much space, so I've got plenty of room to store all my books, workout stuff, fly fishing gear, snowboarding gear, clothes and food items. I've actually got a 5 door dresser which is really nice. Even in the place I've been for the last month, I was still living out of my suitcase and had half my stuff still in m car. Anyway, I'm very thankful for it. I also joined the local climbing gym last week. It's really nice and has a fair amount of exercise equipment, so I don't have to join another gym just for that. The class at the Bible College last week was very helpful. It was Survey of th Old Testament taught by Dr. Benware. I didn't get to attend all the classes but found the first three helpful (I'm almost completely ignorant of the OT). He comes from a hardcore Dispensational Premill perspective, which I'm pretty sure I don't agree with, so there was a lot of his interpretation that I probably will reject, but factual accounts and for a summary of the story of the OT I thought it was good. I don't know how many more I'll be able to attend now that I'm working.

I've made a fairly good friend here, Luca. He's from Sardinia (island west of Italy). He was working at the Four Seasons, but for the winter he works as a snowboarding instructor (which is nice for me). He's also a fairly accomplished photographer and probably the most well traveled person I know (travel for leisure at least). It's interesting because we get along well and have much in common, but he is at best agnostic, more like antagonistically atheistic. I am yet to meet someone who shares my devout, fairly orthodox religious beliefs and worldview and still seeks adventure and unique experiences. And that's just anybody, much less a girl like that.

I am quite undecided about what I will do in the future. I plan on staying here for roughly a year at least, but after that I don't know. Washington, Oregon and Montana are still very desirable to see at least, and southern California is still a place I may want to live for awhile. Going back to Denver is also an option that has more than a couple things going for it. If I can become a server at one of the nicer restaurants here in Jackson, I can work summers and winters, have the springs and falls off to travel and still make really good money. The opportunity to travel globally is incredibly appealing to me and now looking like an actual possiblity. Spending the rest of my life in Jackson is attractive as well. I try not to think too much about it and ruin the amazing opportunity I have right now. If things work out as it looks like they will, this year I should be able make more money than ever before, learn to snowboard, get back in shape and grow closer to Christ than ever before. Why ruin that by worrying about the future? And in truth, because I know God is directing each of my steps for my good, every possibility I imagine and even those I can't think of, are so appealing that in some ways I don't care. It's like being anxious about whether I win a million dollars in $100 bills or $50 bills. Who cares, it's a million dollars.

Well, that's it. Hope all of you are doing well. Love and miss you all, specially Radnor and Caleb.

A wanderer no more

Well, it's been awhile. I hope you are all doing well. It's been a fairly busy September for me. I guess the biggest news is that I have a job. Today I started as a security officer at The Four Seasons of Jackson Hole. It's one of, if not the best, ski resort hotel in the country and a pretty ritzy place. Once my training is over I'll be working the night shift from 11 pm to 7 am, which kind of sucks, but I make $17.45/hr, so I'm not complaining. It's kind of funny that I left a part-time job in Nashville with the intention of not working at all, and here I am beginning my first full-time job ever. After six months I can transfer to another position or after a year transfer to another Four Seasons. They're all over the world and if I'm still single next winter or spring, I'll probably try and transfer to some exotic place like Hawaii, Costa Rica or something. But for now I'm really enjoying Jackson. Last week I was able to audit the class, Universe by Design at the Jackson Hole Bible College. It was excellent and incredibly enlightening for me. It kind of pisses me off how much 'fact' I have been taught through the years that is unproven and even unsupported by scientific evidence. I'd highly recommend “Tornadoes in a Junkyard” to anyone who wants to examine the issues of evolution vs intelligent design and evidence for a global flood. I also caught three Snake River Cutthroat Trout last week. The largest, 17 3/4” was the most brilliant orange you can imagine. Unfortunately I didn't have my camera with me. I also just got back from my first trip to Yellowstone. I was only there for 2 days but saw a bear and two cubs, tons of bison and elk, two coyotes, four bald eagles, mule deer and I don't remember what else. I stayed at Chico Hot Springs Resort just north of the park. It was pretty neat, and I had the tenderest filet mignon I've ever had. On that note, I've been eating some wonderful food (which would account for my stomach being the least defined it's been in a couple years) at some of the restaurants. I've had some very good duck, the best shrimp I've ever had, some scallops that were the best seafood I've ever had, a really good crab baked thingy, the best lamb I've ever had, the best calamari I've ever had and some good salads and desserts. This also is kind of funny considering I left with the intention of not eating out at all and basically it my oats, fruit and tuna for days on end. I also went to the Buffalo Bill Museum in Cody, WY. It was quite interesting. In one section with all the guns (I have no idea how many they had but I got tired of looking at them), they had a bunch of world record or near world record mounts of moose, elk, bighorn, etc. Some of the racks were so big it was kind of ridiculous, but still quite impressive. On a sadder note, with this new job I'm pretty sure I won't be back to Nashville for Thanksgiving or Christmas. There's a chance I can visit in March, but I won't have any vacation by that time, so we'll see. I am planning on coming in September for the beach trip, but that might be the earliest I can get back. Well, I miss you all but can say that I am having the best time of my life. I would invite any of you to come and visit me, but I don't think the place I'm moving to is going to be big enough and the plane ticket would be ~$500.

Free will discussion

This is a message I sent to a girl from myspace who I'm discussing soteriology with. I thought it might be something my family would find interesting (or blasphemous). I post this one because I think it shows clearly the difference in reformed theology (or at least mine) and typical evangelical theology and why I have rejected it. Apologies for all the grammatical errors. These things take me forever to write even with the errors. Anyway,



After reading this I think I again come across as angry. Again, I am not. Try to hear my point rather than my tone. This is just the way I write.

I think the "free will" that we as humans have is not totally free because of the fall. When Adam sinned, it enslaved his will to sin, and he could no longer choose to please God. He had free will, but only to do evil. Man by himself is spiritually dead and cannot choose God until God first chooses him and makes him alive. Then man's will is free to choose God (which any person God makes alive always responds by then choosing God). The best example I know of is Jesus and Lazarus. Lazarus was dead (physically, but I think the analogy is to the spiritual realm). He could not respond until Jesus said, "Lazarus, come forth." There is life giving and creative power in God/Jesus' commands. If you look at it chronologically, Lazarus is dead, Jesus calls him, makes him alive and then the last thing is Lazarus responds by coming forth. When viewing my own salvation, I was dead in sin unable to do anything to please God (though this does not mean I was as bad as I could have been or that there was no appearance of good, my heart did not have God enthroned and thus any good works were not true good works. Without faith it is impossible to please God.) God, not because of anything he saw in me (nor because of any choice he saw I would make for Him) came in and regenerated me and gave me life. Then I, just like Lazarus, responded by having faith and repentance and accepting Christ. So it's not that I'm any better than anyone else, God chose to display His grace to me because He is God and can show His grace to who He wants to. Now as a Christian, God has freed my will, and I can please Him, though even my good deeds are because Him (for it is He who works in us both to will and to do according to His good pleasure Philippians 2:13) All of those issues you mentioned (she mentioned several issues that appear as "setbacks" or "unfortunate" events in the history of God's people) I think were and are part of God's plan to glorify Himself. I think that is one of the most important discoveries God showed me in coming to a reformed understanding. God is most concerned with His glory. He could have made everyone go to Heaven and there be no Hell, but this would not have most glorified Him. In fact I think that everything that has, is and will happen is exactly what God wants. I really believe that with all the sin, the world is perfect. Not according to my view, but according to God's view. This is pretty heady stuff, and a lot of people aren't ready to hear and believe that God is actually God. They want to use the term God but strip it of it's meaning. By calling God, God, it is acknowledging that He can do whatever He wants. He is the standard. Most people want God to be like we are, but He's not. He's so much infinitely above us. To limit Him in any way is to deny He is God. That is why I disagree with the typical view of free will. Free will, if defined as man's ability to act outside of the determination of God, I totally disagree with. If I were to concede this one point then I must admit God is not God, Christianity is a farce, I am still in my sin and have no hope. Either that or my conscious lies to me and really there is no guilt and this life truly is all there is. Either way we should eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we die.

Warning, this one's long.

Well, I am in Jackson, WY right now, right outside of the Grand Teton NP (which I purposely have not been in yet since I'm still unable to take pictures). I went to Jackson Hole Community Bible Church this morning and had an enjoyable worship service. Again very different from RBC Nashville, but I believe sincere believers trying to serve the Lord. The main thrust of the message was that we as Christians are the legacy of Christ (legacy being understood as the influence one leaves here on earth after death). Though a simple lesson, it is profound, and one I am in need of being reminded of. It is amazing how many simple (or not so simple), truths of the gospel I have forgotten. Sundays and the preaching of the word are such a blessing if for no other reason than to be reminded that God is there, He is not silent, and there is a way we must therefore live. I look forward to spending the next several weeks visiting here as I enjoy the fishing, photography and hiking opportunities in the Tetons.

Last night I parked in a church parking lot, and laid out my mat and sleeping bag in there lawn. It was a fairly dark area, and I anticipated a nice night's sleep. It is already a bit chilly here at night (I'm in northwestern WY and at 6234' elevation), so I sleep in pants, a T shirt, long sleeve shirt and wool socks, with my lower body also wrapped in a fleece blanket, all inside my mummy bag zipped completely up. Oh and a wool neck warmer around my head and ears. While I definitely don't get hot, this does keep me from getting more than slightly chilly (This has always been my problem with camping out, when I go to sleep and my metabolism and heart rate slow down, I get really cold, especially my feet. I'm fairly lean body fat wise right now as well, so there's not much insulation). Last night however, after being asleep I don't know how long, I felt raindrops on the small bit of my face that was exposed. This of course woke me up, but only lasted a couple of seconds. Still kind of groggy, I began to contemplate getting up, but as it only sprinkled, I thought perhaps it was over. Again though, the sprinkles came, whetted my face, and left again after only a couple seconds. Finally starting to wake up, I gazed at the sky, which was quite clear. I assumed that must have been it. But again, the same thing happened. Again I looked at the sky and realized this time that the sky was not quite clear but completely clear. With as many stars as I could see there was no way there was a single cloud up there. In realizing all this, I again got sprinkled on. All total I don't know how many times I got sprinkled on before I realized it was the sprinkler system, but it was more than one should need. I'm hoping that it was the sleepiness, and I'm not as stupid as this makes me sound. Finally I did move, but was already a bit wet and my bag, so the rest of the night wasn't as nice as I'd hoped. Which is what I'm blaming my yawns in the sermon on this morning.

For the several days prior to yesterday, I'd been in Rock Springs, WY. Don't go there. It's a pretty boring place. I'd driven there from the cool little town of Saratoga (which is over 100 miles away) trying to get cell service (which I didn't until I reached Jackson). I had to stay there waiting on a package (which still hasn't arrived). I spent a miserable night in my car at a Walmart parking lot (just too bright to sleep) and a better one camped out in the desert at the end of some road. But even here I was kind of worried that my car was going to get towed, or I was going to get run over by an ATV. I'm a little bit excited about going back to Rock Springs to pick up the package, though. I'm thinking about trying to hitchhike there and back to save gas money. I've never hitchhiked but always thought it would be fun (Whenever I do decide to visit Nashville I may try and do it by hitchhiking). I may drive though, because on the way to Jackson, I stopped at Pinedale and visited a flyshop. There I met Leal, a gentleman in his seventies, and we talked for well over an hour, maybe two. There is apparently some great fly fishing there, and the Wind River Mountain Range sounds pretty amazing. So we'll see.

Prior to all this I spent a night in Medicine Bow National Forest. This is along scenic Highway 130 from Laramie to Saratoga. I was going to stay here for several days, but my first night I was in a pretty awesome hail storm at above 11,000'. Lots of lightning as well. This was cool as I was in sleeping in my car and not camping out, but the next morning when I'd planned on hiking to some mountains lakes, it again did it. If it had cleared up I still would have went, but the cloud coverage coupled with being alone in bear country in a place I'd never been without cell phone service persuaded me to only stay the one night.

Prior to this I spent the better part of a day at the University of WY in Laramie, but didn't sleep there. Instead I'd slept about 30 miles south along Hwy 287. I think I saw a wolf on the side of road there as well. That night I'd driven as far as I could before getting tired and then pulled on what I thought would be a rarely traveled dirt road. Because there were ditches on the sides of the road, I just pulled to the side, laid out my mat and sleeping bag and slept on the road, thinking no cars would come before I was up and gone around 5-5:30. Again, my assumptions were wrong and sometime, probably around 2-3 am, I was startled awake by a growing noise. At last, and after growing quite loud, a semi came barreling down the dirt road at what must have been 50+ mph not much more than 5 feet from me wrapped in my sleeping bag in the road. Knowing that a car coming was a possibility, I'd slept in front of my own car, so the odds of getting run over were small. I couldn't help but think how ironic if a car hit my car thereby causing my own car to run over me. I thought of this couldn't help but hold my breath each time I heard a car coming (which ended up being about 5 before I finally got up at 5:30).

Prior to this I was again staying with my friend, Matt. On my last night I was able to meet some Catholic missionaries (missionaries to students at Colorado University in Boulder, not international missionaries). There were 3 guys, 3 girls, all in there twenties plus a couple more people and two priest, Kevin and Pete. All were very impressive young people, and Kevin is a really knowledgeable guy.

Prior to this (this is the last one), I spent several days with the Fightmasters (And while I do like the name Walters, you have to admit Fightmaster is pretty cool. Some ancestor of theirs must have been a total BA). They're a family from the L2 church I'd been visiting. I ended spending several days with them and am actually sending them postcards of my travels. There youngest, Alex, is probably the biggest snake feen I've ever met. (Feen by the way is not a word, but a corruption of 'fiend', but I think it should be a word.) We did a bit of snake hunting with no luck, but we did catch a bunny. The first thing you see when you go in their garage is about 5 rattles from rattlesnakes they've killed in their yard, so you know they're there. Anyway, I had a great time. It's so enjoyable to be so openly received into someone's home and get to become a small part of their lives and have them become a part of yours.

Okay, that's it. Love and miss you family.

Leaving Denver

Just a quick update to let everyone know I'm leaving Denver and heading to Laramie, WY. I'll post a recap of the last week in Denver when I get the chance.

Seth

What I've been up to

Well it has been quite a while since my last post. I'm sure you all have been sitting on the edge of your seats, checking multiple times a day to hear a word from me. As for my Civic, because I had taken out the back seat (to make more room), it's trade in value dropped to $0. While at the impound lot, it also wracked up about $200 in fees, and I ended up just signing over the title to them. All in all it cost me about $100 to get rid of it. In addition the blame for the accident came down solely on me, so I have a ticket to pay and insurance gave me nothing (though they did cover damages to the other party). I bought a 96 Toyota Corolla, and though not quite the car I had in terms of power and gas mileage, I am thankful to God for His provision. All of this has severely dampened my plans, as I have $4000 less to live off of for the next four and half months, but am confident that I can manage. Perhaps I may even have to be frugal out of necessity rather than choice.

For the next couple of nights I will be staying with a family from the church I've been visiting here. I spent a night in my car while visiting Rocky Mountain National Park (a magnificent park and relatively unknown compared to some of the others), but the majority of the time has been spent at my friend Matt's apartment. I really don't even know how many nights I've spent at his place, but it has been several.

Today I again went flyfishing on the South Platte. After a couple hours without success, I again tied on a grasshopper pattern and began drift fishing it along the bank. About 20 yards upstream of where I caught my fish mentioned in my earlier post, I was again blessed. The fly was drifting through some rapids, at which point I lost sight of it in the foam, but saw a splash near where I knew it was. I took up the slack, hopeful, but unsure if the fish had taken my grasshopper. The line tightened but the fly stayed under. I was either hung or had one. I pulled on the line a bit more and felt movement, then saw the telltale silver flash of a fish fighting. I maintained my composure a bit better this time, and without a whole lot of difficulty, drug him on to the bank. It was a nice rainbow, probably 14+ inches (by far my biggest trout). Of course nothing goes without incident, and several times he wiggled out of my hands, but fortunately I hadn't removed the fly. When my buddy Ryan arrived with my camera to take a couple shots, I realized my 1 GB card was full. Eventually we got the pictures (which can be seen at www.myspace.com/weedyseadragon along with my RMNP pictures) and released the fish. Many would consider a day catching one fish pretty miserable, but I was quite happy.

I've been reading “The Salvation Controversy” a Catholic explanation of the differing views of salvation. I am just now to the author's explanation of TULIP and am anxious to see what problems he has with it. It has been very enlightening up to this point. It has cleared up a fair amount of confusion regarding terminology. I think Catholics have done a poor job of qualifying their statements, and Protestants have done a poor job in overreacting to Catholic terminology. I also just received “He Shall Have Dominion” in the mail and have read through the foreword. It comes highly recommended by Pastor Russ and is regarded as the definitive exposition of the post-mil position. I am anxious to delve into it, as I am very ignorant in my eschatology. It is a 500+ page book though, and I imagine will take me some time to finish it.

I am at last planning on leaving Denver, probably Tuesday or Wednesday of next week. I am somewhat reluctant to do so, as I have made several friends and have truly enjoyed my time here. I have not, however, met a girl enticing enough to keep me here, and so the lure of adventures in unseen mountains and the Pacific northwest pull me on.

My plan is to perhaps visit RMNP again, then to WY to see the Wind River Range, the Grand Tetons and Yellowstone.

Hope all of you all are well. I appreciate the comments, emails and correspondence I receive. I honestly really look forward to hearing from you.

Confession and repentence

I am cut to the heart. Today I heard an excellent sermon on 1 Corinthians 13 and must confess that I am an utter failure as a Christian and repent before God. It was nothing new, but I believe I was more ready to hear it now. After a sober-self assessment, I must confess that if anyone has never loved, it is I. I have rejoiced that my external conformity to God's law has increased, but neglected the very heart of obedience. I have sought to speak and write with the tongues of men and angels, and have sought to grow in my knowledge and understanding of the mysteries of life, and have trusted in God's good providence above all, and have entertained ideas of taking vows of poverty and even dream that one day I may be counted worthy to give my body for the sake of the gospel, and at last have realized it has been, is or would be all for naught. None of these works would pass through the fire of judgment. It would do me no good nor bring any glory to God, for I have no love. I do not suffer long, in fact I suffer none at all. I am not kind, only indifferent. I envy all who have what I do not possess. I can think of no one who parades himself more, nor anyone who is more puffed up about so little. I am rude to all who are not as I am, and have only ever sought my own. There is not one deed that rises up in my mind to oppose my conviction of self seeking. I have prided myself on my patience, but it is a patience of indifference. I have no tolerance for anyone who opposes my preferences. I see first always the evil, and only reluctantly accept a brother. I rejoice when judgment comes on any but myself, and despise the truth when it convicts me of sin. I have borne nothing, distrust all, hope only for final redemption and can endure only pleasure. Love never fails, but I have never succeeded. The sum of all the commandments, love God and love thy neighbor, I have missed. Oh, wretched man that I am.

I have said it is doubtful I will ever marry because it is doubtful I will ever find someone (other than Christ) who I consider worthy of me daily giving myself for. Someone who I would sacrifice my own hopes and dreams for. And while it may be true I have this freedom in choosing a mate, who am I too say who is worthy of my efforts? What rights do I have when I have been bought and paid for by Christ's blood? In truth I have no efforts, for all that I am is Christ's, and all my efforts are Christ's efforts. I can not say someone is not worth my personal goals because they are such and such a person and not such and such a person. Christ came and gave His life for just such and such a person, sinners great and small, of whom I am chief. In fact it is only in giving my life for just such and such a person, that I can attain any worth. This is exactly what Christ has called all Christians to do, just as He did, give their lives for undeserving people.

Lord, forgive me of my wretchedness and give me a heart for others rather than myself. Amen.

Been a couple days since the car update. The situation at present is that my car is totaled, I sold it for $400, and should be getting a 96 Toyota Corolla next week (how a chick can resist a guy driving a 96 Corolla that gets 40+ mpg is beyond me). For now my buddy Matt, who I was staying with, has given me his car while he's in LA (brave guy, I know). But since he's out of town I'm staying with a pastor and his family until he gets back. Really I can't even express how much God has provided for me. I've wanted for nothing. The time spent with my Catholic friend was I think beneficial to us both, and talking and listening to Pastor Russ has been very enlightening.

I also had the chance to read two excellent books, A Refutation of Moral Relativism and Good News About Sex and Marriage. A Refutation of Moral Relativism really does totally show the inconsistencies and irrationality of relativism, and I am convinced that those who hold to it do not do so out of intelligent, thoughtful evaluation of the arguments, but out of willful suppression of the truth to ease their consciences. Good News About Sex and Marriage is the incredibly condensed version of John Paul II's Gospel of the Body. My Catholic friend and I are about to begin studying through this work, but it's so heady (and probably beyond my intellectual grasp), another book, Theology of the Body Explained, (a commentary on Gospel of the Body) is necessary. Together the two of them are above 1200 pages, and this is undoubtedly the most in depth study I've ever done, especially on one issue. Why I am choosing to do it on this issue (which the titles are somewhat misleading, sex and marriage is the subject, the body only in relation to them, not the stewardship of the body) I'm not completely sure. Partially because my understanding is so warped and un-biblical from our degenerate society, and partially because I believe Christian reformed circles (and non-reformed circles even more so) are sorely deficient in this area. I also believe this to be at the heart of the destruction of true masculinity and femininity, primarily responsible for the breakdown of the family unit and more so than anything else why our society is going to crap. It is interesting that in A Refutation of Moral Relativism, the author makes the case that the primary reason moral relativism is so attractive is as a means of justifying illicit sex. I have to agree because it's on these grounds that I would like to accept moral relativism, but thankfully I cannot accept what I know to be a lie.

On a completely different note, I just watched The Great Global Warming Swindle at
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-3028847519933351566
I recommend everyone watch it, just as I recommended everyone watch An Inconvenient Truth. By avoiding it you are choosing to remain ignorant on one of the most important cultural issues of our day (whether it should be or not is debatable, but it is regardless). If you believe the whole global warming thing is bs, you should watch it to get some intelligent reasons to believe it's bs, rather than just the, “The earth is so big.” If on the other hand you are one who thinks anyone who doesn't believe in global warming is an idiot, you should watch to find out how intelligent people are able to not believe in it.

The film was very instructive about the origins of global warming, the influence the media has had and most importantly, rational alternatives to the very observable global warming. I think one fundamental issue that people need clarification on is what global warming is and is not. Global warming in and of itself is not really debated, it's a pretty observable fact. The issue at hand is whether or not man is primarily responsible for the warming (due to the greenhouse gas CO2 resulting from human industry, etc).

And though I would now say I really don't think global warming is that big of an issue, this does not at all affect my stance on things such as reduce/reuse/recycle and pollution. My stances concerning these are not pragmatic, but absolute. Environmental pollution and failure to reduce/reuse/recycle are all areas of poor stewardship of the dominion mandate God has given us to rule the earth. They aren't wrong because of the outcome, but because they are failure to obey God's command. Fortunately we have such a God that is infinitely wise that He has made those things that are harmful sinful and those things beneficial to us allowable. This however kind of gets into are, “Are they wrong because He commanded not to do them, or did He command not to do them because they are wrong?” Ultimately I think they are wrong because they are contrary to His character and thus He commanded against them (or positively speaking, He commanded for some things because it was in accordance with His character).

At the end of my journaling last night I wrote, “Lord, I am ready. Only please be gentle for You know I weak. Nevertheless, not my will but thy will be done.” I have often prayed such prayers that God would try me and test me to refine me and rid me of my worldliness. I have always made this request with some fear, for I knew the chastisement of God would not be pleasant at the time, but necessary and ultimately for my good. Despite these prayers I was not expecting to be in a car accident this morning with a possibly totaled car, ticket for failure to yield, likely higher insurance premiums and unlikely to receive any reimbursement for the damage to my car. Thankfully no one was hurt, and the only damage was to the vehicles. I am somewhat at a loss as to what to do (since I not only lost my means of transportation but also my house), but am confident God was and is watching over me. My friend Matt, who I was visiting, has been a true friend and brother to me in remaining with me and offering me a place and even places to stay almost indefinitely. Truly God is merciful with His people even in His judgments. I am still waiting to have the damages to the car accessed, but I believe it is substantial. Of the damage to my possessions I don't know yet, but I believe my guitar is destroyed.

I am undaunted, however, for I am as certain or more so of God's work in this as in any good gift I have received from Him. Lord willing I will soon continue on with my journey, hopefully more sobered and thankful than before. Certainly this could have been my end, and while I am ready to die and even think with joy that I was so close to seeing my Savior, I am confronted with my own mortality. I feel compelled to ask you, my readers, if you have confronted yours, or do you amble on through life with no thoughts of eternity. Does your conscience pain you, or have you ignored it for so long you can no longer feel it? Or do you think that God will not require payment for your sins? I know my life of selfishness, worldly lusts and pride scream out in condemnation of me, but I have an advocate with the Father, my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Can you also say that Christ is most lovely? That all your hope is in Him? Or do you even think of Him? Whenever your time on this earth draws to an end, be it soon or late, and your secret thoughts and deeds rise up to drag you to hell, who will be your advocate? He alone is able to save, but He is willing only now. No amount of pleas will move Him with compassion in that day. You will be told, “Depart from me for I never knew you.” Do not think yourself in no danger because you are no worse than me. Indeed, my sins are great, but my forgiveness is greater. God through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ is alone able to forgive sins. Apart from Him you will perish. I speak not of muttering some prayer in a moment of guilt, but in a life of dying daily for Him. Of ever falling more in love with Him. This is what it is to be a Christian. I regret my life has been such a poor example of this, but I beg you not to reject the message because of the messenger. Do not let even this blog rise up to condemn you, for truly you are without excuse before the Lord. I am not trying to judge you, for I cannot see into your soul, but judge yourselves whether you are in the faith or merely deceived.

Seth

What I've been doing in Colorado

David and I left the Denver Tech Center Marriott this morning, dropped off Ryan's flyfishing stuff I had borrowed and headed to Buena Vista, CO. It was an amazing drive along highways 285 and 24 that made a great backdrop for some good conversation. I am at this moment sitting on a crude stool made from an upended sawed log, being warmed by a fire I built, in a gorgeous, rustic but comfortable wood and stone chalet perched at 12,106' overlooking the headwaters of the Arkansas River, journaling for the past several days. The chalet is surrounded by 1000 year old bristlecone pine and currently there is a very impressive lightning storm going on all around me. Many of the bolts are in fact at my elevation out over the valley. The road to get here climbed more than 3000' over a couple miles and was far and away the worst road I have ever been on. It is barely wide enough for one vehicle, one side rocks, trees and the mountain and the other an amazingly steep drop off. Fortunately our rented Ford Edge had enough clearance, but we still scraped several times going over the huge rocks and deep runoff ditches. We of course ran into several vehicles (usually large 4x4 type vehicles) going the opposite direction, which always resulted in a pause while each examined who had an easier job backing up into one of the few places wide enough for two cars side by side. These were often the most dangerous times as we almost tipped over trying to ride too high on the mountain side once to allow a car to pass and several times riding on the very edge of the cliff. A drive I do not want to do again, but glad I can say I have done it.

It is exactly these experiences, theses perfect moments that I began my trip in search of. Yesterday (August 1st, 2007) I flyfished the South Platte River. It is just as I had imagined a perfect mountain river to be with steep valley walls, rock outcroppings, boulders littering the stream, the occasional small waterfall and the promise of seeing a rising trout. I met an older retired gentleman who was leaving as I was suiting up (which takes a while considering there are waders, 4-piece rod, reel, line, leader, tippet, fly that all had to be put together or on when I got there). He seemed eager to talk, and I was glad to try and glean some tidbit of information from him (he did tell me to make sure I visit a certain lake in Wyoming, which I'll not name here, but do plan on stopping to see on my way north). At last I was wading in the river and fished for a couple hours with no success, but not really bothered by it. The reality of being there and the possibility of success was still very satisfying. Eventually I broke for lunch, found a shade tree overlooking the river and had my devotion and practiced guitar for a couple hours. The only things that could have made it better would be to catch a fish or have someone there to share in the realization of the beauty of what was being experienced. When my fingertips began to hurt, I resumed fishing with a grasshopper pattern that I knew would catch fish if I could only give a good presentation (Earlier in the day while walking on the bank a grasshopper had jumped out of my path into the water. Taking this as an opportunity to see if trout were feeding on terrestrials, I watched him as he floated down stream no more than 15 feet before one rose to take him, missed and immediately came up again and sucked him down.). I had fished with this knowledge for perhaps an hour and a half before I saw and heard a fish come and take my own grasshopper pattern as it floated in the current. The knock on the rod confirming that the fish was not only there, but attached to my line was enough excitement and surprise to elicit an “Oh $@!*.” as I frantically tried to take up the slack and fight him from the reel. He was a rather small brown, no more than a pound, but if you have seen trout and especially if you have enticed one to take a dry fly or floating pattern with a fly rod, you know their beauty and supremacy above all other fish. After much blundering I at last reeled him close, but not having a net, had to try and grab him bare handed (no easily task using a 9 foot rod and thigh deep in water). My line broke and he was gone. And yet the happiness I got from that touch with God's creation is really more than I can express. I think I will go stand outside and watch the lightning a bit. Tomorrow David and I attempt Mt. Princeton, my first 14'er (14'er is short for 14,000 peak. Though not extremely dangerous, they aren't something most people can just do, especially a flatlander like me, so I'm a little nervous.). This is the happiest I have been in a long time. I praise and thank God for His graciousness and blessings.

Later ,

Seth

(Sorry if you found the fish story boring, but it's my blog, and that's what I've been doing.)

Visiting my sister and her family

I've spent the last several days staying with my sister Katie and her husband and their 8 month old son, Caleb. It's been beneficial since my initial packing wasn't very well thought out. This has given me a chance to make things a little more accessible. Should be leaving Thursday, maybe Friday to work my way through St. Louis to Kansas City to Denver.

It's a little bit sad, thinking that next time I see my nephew, he'll be walking and talking and totally forgotten me and the fun we've had.

Later,

Seth

My first post

Just making a post to make sure I know how it works before I officially begin. Hope everyone is well and thanks in advance for reading my ramblings.

I'm undecided how intimate I will make this. Usually when I write it is my mind and heart's innermost thoughts and longings, but as this is public, I may just make it a where I'm at, what I'm doing, how great/sucky it is, etc. That seems more appropriate, but I probably wouldn't even enjoy reading my own stuff if that's all it is. I guess it will depend on how open I'm feeling when I write.

Until next time,
Seth Walters

One more note. I apologize for any grammar mistakes, randomness, choppiness and just plain poor writing ability. Hopefully it will improve as I go.