Just an update

I'm at the library in Moab. Spent yesterday in Arches NP and the day before bouldering. Drove through Capitol Reef NP the day before that and had a great day of hiking in Bryce Canyon NP. Spent 2 days hiking in Zion NP. Really has been a great trip, though I really wish my camera hadn't messed up. I've been reading The Five Love Languages and almost done with it. It's been interesting. I'll post thoughts later. Love and miss you all. Really wish Josh or Luke could have come out and met me. I may head back through Denver to visit with Pastor Russ, but not sure yet.

Just a quick note

I know I said my next post would be on the Transcendental Argument, but that's going to take a while to write out, and I don't have my computer right now, so I'm at the library and just wanted to tell you about my day.

I camped out with some friends from church on top of Shadow Mountain last night. It's got the best views of the Tetons anywhere I think, and we also had a beautiful clear sky with a ton of visible stars. This morning I went fishing on the Gros Ventre (pronounced Grow Vont) River. Besides catching a snake river cutthroat and a cuttbow (cross between a cutthroat and rainbow trout), I saw a big bull and cow moose and had a redtail hawk circling overhead. What a wonderful day. Thank you, God.

Oh, and Saturday I went on a float trip with my friend Josh down the Snake River. We saw a bald eagle eating a fish, an osprey catch and fly off with a fish, a juvenile bald eagle, a coyote, a moose and some deer. Oh and later I saw a golden eagle sitting on a post. I hope God does send me to do mission work next year, but it will be hard leaving Jackson. I doubt there's another place like it in the world.

Less than two weeks till I'll be seeing my family for the first time in over a year. Hard to believe it's been that long.

The logical necessity of the Trinity

In "The Pleasures of God" Piper develops his idea of the Trinity and quotes Jonathan Edwards extensively in the footnotes. I'll quote it as well because it's unbelievably brilliant. I don't think it could be worded better or more clearly. Hard to believe it was written in the 1700's.

Beginning with a human analogy, Edwards writes,
“If a man could have an absolutely perfect idea of all that pass'd in his mind, all the series of ideas and exercises in every respect perfect as to order, degree, circumstance etc. for any particular space of time past, suppose the last hour, he would really, to all intents and purpose, be over again what he was that last hour. And if it were possible for a man by reflection perfectly to contemplate all that is in his own mind in a hour, as it is and at the same time that it is there, in its first and direct existence; if a man, that is, had a perfect reflex or contemplative idea of every thought at the same moment or moments that that thought was, and of every exercise at and during the same time that that exercise was, and so through a whole hour, a man would really be two during that time, he would be indeed double, he would be twice at once. The idea he has of himself would be himself again. (Edwards, An Essay on the Trinity, 102)

From this Edwards carries the analogy over to God.
"Therefore as God with perfect clearness, fullness and strength, understands Himself, views His own essence (in which there is no distinction of substance and act but which is wholly substance and wholly act), that idea which God hath of Himself is absolutely Himself. This representation of the Divine nature and essence is the Divine nature and essence again; so that by God's thinking of the deity, [deity] must certainly be generated. Hereby there is another person begotten, there is another infinite eternal almighty and most holy and the same God, the very same divine nature.
And this person is the second person of the Trinity, the only begotten and dearly beloved Son of God: He is the eternal, necessary, perfect, substantial and personal idea which God hath of Himself; and that it is so seems to me to be abundantly confirmed by the word of God.(Edwards, An Essay on the Trinity, 103)

In a later footnote he quotes Edwards again concerning the “procession” of the Holy Spirit
“The Godhead being thus begotten by God's loving an idea of himself and shewing forth in a distinct subsistence or person in that idea, there proceeds a most pure act, and an infinitely holy and sacred energy arises between the Father and Son in mutually loving and delighting in each other, for their love and joy is mutual, Proverbs 8:30-”'I was daily his delight, rejoicing always before him'”- This is the eternal and most perfect and essential act of the divine nature, wherein the Godhead acts to an infinite degree and in the most perfect manner possible. The Deity becomes all act, the Divine essence itself flows out and is, as it were, breathed forth in love and joy. So that the Godhead therein stands forth in yet another manner of subsistence, and there proceeds the third person in the Trinity, the Holy Spirit, viz. the deity in act, for there is no other act but the act of the will. (Edwards, An Essay on the Trinity, 108)

Piper summarizes the idea with a final quote from Edwards.
“And this I suppose to be the blessed Trinity that we read of in the Holy Scriptures. The Father is the deity subsisting in the prime, unoriginated and most absolute manner, or the deity in its direct existence. The Son is the deity generated by God's understanding, or having an idea of Himself and subsisting in that idea. The Holy Ghost is the deity subsisting in act, or the divine essence flowing out and breathed forth in God's infinite love to and delight in Himself. And I believe the whole Divine essence does truly and distinctly subsist both in the Divine idea and Divine love, and that each of them are [sic] properly distinct persons. (Edwards, An Essay on the Trinity, 118)

I have not given Edwards biblical defense of this, but the arguments and scriptural references can be found in the original work. When I read this I was blown away with how logical the Trinity is. In fact, God, as in the true God who is infinite in all ways, could not exist in any other form. As God he must have a perfect understanding of himself which in turn must be divine. The love that must exist between themselves must itself be divine.

I believe this may be another form of the transcendental argument, but not for God but rather specifically for the Trinity. Basically the Trinity must exist because of the impossibility of the contrary. An infinite God cannot exist in any other form. In if/then form, if an infinite God exists, he exists in a Trinity. An infinite God does exist, therefore he exists in a Trinity. Obviously I have not given any of the transcendental arguments for the existence of God here, but as that has long been a subject I've wanted to write on it, I will try and make that my next post.

Just as side note, for those unfamiliar with Jonathan Edwards, I would encourage you to at the least read his wikipedia page. Though brief, it gives a glimpse at what an extraordinary man he was. And interestingly enough I was born 222 years to the day after his death.

My life motto

Still in "The Pleasures of God" by Piper. Thus far besides the introduction dealing with the aforementioned Scougal quote, he has dedicated a chapter each to how God takes pleasure in his Son, all he does, his creation, his fame, election, bruising the Son and the chapter I'm currently in, doing good to all who hope in him. The first couple chapters, while very enlightening, only showed me the majesty of God but gave me nothing to partake in. I can do nothing to increase God's pleasure in his Son, all he does or his creation. The fourth chapter, the pleasure of God in his fame, however has become my motivation for prayer and missions and the purpose for my life. Here is something that is big enough to devote my life to and not in the end say, "I've wasted it." Here is something that is worth any sacrifice I could make. Here is something I can righteously obsess over and not commit idolatry. Piper gives so many references pertaining to God doing something for his name's sake. For any who want to be overwhelmed by how abundant this is in the Bible, look at 1 Samuel 12:22, Jeremiah 13:11, Exodus 9:16, Isaiah 63:12-14,Pslam 106:7-8, Joshua 7:8-9, Ezekial 36:20-23, Ezekial 39:25, Isaiah 48:9-11, Daniel 9:19, Psalm 25:11, Psalm 79:9, Jeremiah 14:7,9 just in the OT. Israel's whole story of being God's people was for his name's sake, not their worth. The reason God spared them so many times was again not because of their worth, but because his name was connnected to them. In the NT, Jesus makes it clear that he came for his father's name's sake, not our worth. John 5:43, 10:25, 17:6,26, 12:27-28. 1 John 2:12 makes it even clearer that we are forgiven "for the sake of his name." Not only is our salvation due to God's pleasure in his fame, but our sanctification as well. Psalm 23:3, Revelation 2:3, 1 Timothy 6:1. Colossians 3:17 makes it all encompassing by saying "Whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus." Everything we as Christians do should in some way be for the propagation and/or honoring of Jesus' name. Paul seems to be particularly concerned for this. One of his great goals was "to preach the gospel, not where Christ has already been named." Romans 15:20 Even his apostleship was "for the sake of his name." Romans 1:5. When Jesus first calls Paul, he tells Ananias he will show him "how much he [Paul] must suffer for the sake of my name." Acts 9:16 Paul makes it clear who and what he was willing to die for in Acts 21:13 "I am ready not only to be imprisoned but even to die at Jerusalem for the name of the Lord Jesus." I can think of no greater honor than to be presented with the choice of dishonoring the name of Christ and life or refusing to denouce the name of Christ and death. What truer test is there of our dedication when something as simply as "I denounce Jesus as Lord." can be said to save one's life. And what greater testament to the world is there of the supreme worth of Christ when we joyfully choose suffering or even death over dishonoring his name. And to have the grace and love of Stephen to say as they slay you, "Lord, lay not this sin to their charge."

All of this has led me to form my life motto. The first and original is simply, "By the grace of God, I will make known the grace of God." While technically correct, I think it leaves the all important motivation for such action up in the air. Particularly for someone such as myself who is most often motivated by self-glorification, I modified it to "By the grace of God and for the glory of God, I will make known the grace and glory of God." I do not know if God will grant me to be a foreign missionary. I don't know if I will get to demonstrate my love for him by laying down my life. But regardless, wherever I'm at and in whatever vocation God calls me, my aim is by the grace of God and for the glory of God, to make known the grace and glory of God. Be it affluent guests at the Four Seasons, my Turkish bussers, an African tribe or Muslims in the 10/40 window, I will sacrifice anything for the sake of his name. So help me God.

Henry Scougal

I'm currently reading "The Pleasures of God" by John Piper on recommendation by Pastor Stephen (my former pastor in TN, though in some ways he will always be my pastor). He was even kind enough to provide me with a copy of the book. Piper starts the book off with the quote by Henry Scougal that got him thinking about the pleasures of God: "The worth and excellency of a soul is to be measured by the object of its love." Scougal was referring to the worth of a human soul, but Piper applied it to God and thus reasoned that God must love himself most because he is most excellent. Without going more into the book (as I've just begun it, I heartily recommend it, as well as Desiring God, Don't Waste Your Life and probably everything else by Piper). But anyway, the purpose of this short blog is simply to enlighten you as to who Henry Scougal was. Born in 1650, he died in 1678 of tuberculosis before reaching twenty-eight years old. His greatest work by consensus is "The Life of God in the Soul of Man" from which the above quote comes (interestingly it was written as a letter to a friend explaining Christianity, but has become a classic, though not all together well-known). While mentioning him, he also mentions David Brainerd, the missionary to the Native Americans who died at twenty-nine years old, Henry Martyn, the missionary to India who died at thirty-one years old and Robert Murry McCheyne, who also died at twenty-nine years old. These men, one younger than I, were giants of the faith. They preached, wrote, evangelized and have inspired countless others to give themselves as missionaries, pastors and in general pursue God. Indeed, if God so blesses me by allowing me to in some way do mission work, it is these men whose legacies I want to carry on. Not that I at all compare myself to them. They had more biblical understanding and practical holiness at ten then I do now. But nevertheless, here are men, mere mortals, who God used in miraculous ways. They were bright and shining lights who, as was said of Scougal at his funeral, "truly lived much in a few years and died an old man in eight and twenty years." Oh that such a thing could be said of me. I fear many in our day the opposite could be said, "he truly lived little in many years and died a child in five and seventy years." May that not be prophetic of my life. I can never be a Brainerd. I'll never write like Scougal and know "Latin, Hebrew, Greek, and some of the cognate oriental languages". I'll never preach like McCheyne. At twenty-eight I feel like I am just beginning the Christian life. May God "restore to [me] the years that the locust has eaten." How many years were eaten by Nintendo, sports cards, athletics and even pure laziness? I am just now learning that, as Scougal said, "True religion is a union of the soul with God." It is more than knowing right doctrine. It is more than doing certain things. It is more than not doing certain things. It is, like God, knowable but incomprehensible. May I ever grow in that union.

Experiencing the "mannishness of man"

I already know that I can't explain what I have and am experiencing. As Schaeffer said, I've touched the creation. I'm experiencing the mannishness of man. Oh I can describe my thoughts and surroundings, the things I see and do, but there is something, some true experience that my soul has tasted and that I cannot explain. Though rare I have known it before. I well understand why existentialist who sought such an experience had to be encouraged not to commit suicide after having this “final experience”. I am lying in my hammock suspended between two pine trees near the top of Shadow Mountain at 6866'. The drive up is along a dirt road with perhaps the best and most dramatic views of the Tetons. With a beautiful pink and orange sky with wisps of clouds and Adam Duritz's soul searching voice singing the lyrics to my favorite songs, even in the midst of it I knew with pen and paper or digital 0's and 1's I couldn't explain what my spirit felt. I feel so alive I almost despair of life. The desire to share it and experience it with someone, to know that someone else is as alive as I am is the Trojan horse of such an experience. It's in these moments, the moments when I feel most alive, that I know I am most alone.

These touches with creation invariable lead to the knowledge of the Creator. Perhaps such a moment is what led Descartes to say, “I think, therefore I am.” though, “I, therefore God is.” seems a more appropriate conclusion. And though not enough to show man's remedy, it certainly leaves man without excuse. This may be what heaven is like when we no longer live by faith but by sight, and everything is so much more real. Even if offering prayers and thanksgiving or singing praises is difficult now, when we stand before him in our resurrected bodies, when our resurrected eyes literally see him, when his majesty and glory are so manifest that it is all we can see, then praise and thanksgiving will pour out so naturally that we won't be able not to praise and glorify him. How dreary this life most have looked to Paul, who perhaps more than any other man, experienced this when he was called up to the third heaven. Even from my limited experiences, it is only the command, “Thou shalt not murder.” that keeps me here. No wonder Paul could say, “I desire to depart.”

God, please give me more of yourself. Above riches, fame, glory, beauty, power, children or a wife, give me Christ, the bread of life and spring of living water, to feast upon. All my other desires are mere preferences. This is my one true desire. Give me yourself or take me from this world of distractions and into your presence forevermore. Amen.

What to do with a wasted life.

Well, since I am actually taking the time to update my blog, you must know that something has happened. Not that anything just happened, but the cumulative effects of many things have finally compounded enough to bring me to my knees and the end of myself. The world, and everything in it, has once again disappointed me (as it always has and always will).

I had thought that God had given me my greatest desire, that of a wife, but God is a jealous God, and He will not share His glory with any of His creations. And so He took that gift away because it had become an idol to me. And I am left with only my unrequited love (which I believe is the only true pain) and the bankruptcy of my life. That is the only way I can describe my life. I'm like a business that God poured time, energy and funds into, but through waste, frivolity, poor management and wicked dealings has run itself into the ground. And yet God has continually propped it up by pouring more time, energy and money into it and thus spared me the consequences. Will I ever do something with my life? Will it ever matter? Besides some tears from my family and a couple of friends, some kind words at my funeral, there would be no loss to the cause of Christ if I left this world. I would just be another one who wasted his life and barely made it to heaven, as through flames. As it is now my only true joy comes in contemplating that this life cannot last forever and one day, even soon if God is gracious, all my pain, suffering, sin and wickedness will be done. My cry will no longer be,

Oh death, where is your embrace.

When will your arms wrap around me

Oh death, where is your kiss

When will your sweet lips touch mine

but rather,

Oh Christ, here is your embrace

Will this really last forever

Oh Christ, here is your kiss

You are more beautiful than I imagined

If God would only tell me where my life might end, I would seek it out with abandonment. If He would only tell me when, even if 100 years from now, I would begin to anxiously count down the days. If my life had any purpose, if anyone were benefiting from my testimony, I could say as Paul, “If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body." but I cannot. There is nothing I am torn between. For me to remain is wasteful and to die is all gain. Since I thus far have no significant (if any) fruit, death is all the more lovely. Would it be wrong for me to pursue that avenue that holds the greatest possibility for each individually and both together? Does the fact that I perhaps selfishly want the privilege of dying for Christ disqualify me? Do my years of wastefulness disqualify me? Or will God help me to bear fruit?

Recollections on sin (how nice it would be to feel this way before I sin)

Sin is interesting isn't it. We keep it close to us and cherish, nourish, protect and defend it while making excuses for it's failings like it's a dear child or best friend who loves us just as much as we love it. In the end it shows it's true nature, that it hates us and all the while has been orchestrating our destruction. This lying and betraying is enough in and of itself to make it loathsome and should cause us to hate it and stop cherishing, nourishing, protecting, defending and excusing it, but alas, in a year, month, week or even a day at times, we are told and believe the same lie, and again draw it in close. We make all kinds of excuses for it such as, “Well I'm so much more holy now.”, “I'll be ready this time.”, “That was just a fluke.”, “I can control it now.” or any number of others. I'm sure you can think of your own favorite justifications. The incredible illogicalness of believing any one of these lies is ample enough proof for me that there must be an actual being, commonly referred to as the Devil, who has been practicing lying for 6000+ years and has mastered it to such a degree that we mere mortals in and of ourselves are helpless not to believe him. Our only hope is to reject our minds' musings and cling to that supernatural truth, God's spoken word the Bible and His Son, the Living Word made flesh, Jesus Christ. With the help of these and the Holy Spirit who enlightens us to Truth, we can resist the Devil's onslaught. Without them we will be laid waste.

If we would only accept our limitations (I cannot bring fire into my bosom and not get burned. I want to think I can, and I think I should be able to, but the truth of the matter is, I can't.) and not flirt with sin, imagine the pain and sorrow we would avoid. This I think may be Satan's most clever lie regarding sin, and perhaps the one I am most prone to believe. With some sins, I've accepted the lie so many times that I'm actually starting to catch on. Now I'll admit it has taken 27 years, and I still fall to them often, but sometimes I'm able to resist. It's not as though Satan has never encountered someone willing to fight him though or who has survived his first attack. He simply pulls out his second arrow, “There won't be any consequences for it. You can get away with it.” and fires away. The Christian, whose resistance is based not on the fact that sin is wrong, against the character of God and therefore should be abstained from regardless of the consequences, but is rather based on the fact that there are consequences for sinning, is totally disarmed and left with no defense. And so he, myself being one heck of an example of such a Christian, goes and sins, thinking that God won't require payment for this sin. Oh, of course there was payment. It is sin, and Christ had to pay for it, but He already did that (I mean to make that sound cheap. It's not. It's the most glorious event in human history, but the way I wrote it is often the way I treat it). What I mean is that the Christian, today tomorrow or whenever, won't have to suffer for it. Ah, again how much pain and suffering we would avoid if we did not think that we could get away with it. Your sin will find you out. It will cost you. God may and probably will be merciful and not chastise you to the degree that He could (You probably won't get an STD from that one-night stand, but you could.), but make no mistake, there will be chastisement (If indeed you are a child of God. If you aren't a child of God, then there won't be any chastisement, just unrelenting supernatural wrath for eternity). As a child of God, if you are fortunate, no one but Christ on the cross and you will suffer for your sin . At best it will be mental anguish for you alone to bear. Much worse is possible and even common. Many men have totally destroyed the lives of the ones who they supposedly loved the most and in the end were left with nothing because they thought there would not be any consequences. At worst, I don't even know the possibilities.

I say all this not for my readers. I say it for myself as I am in the midst of receiving the consequences for my sin. As I wait to see who will suffer along with me and how extensive the damage will be, God has at last brought me to one of those moments of clarity when I feel like I must write something to hopefully spare myself future hardship. Perhaps you can benefit as well. This is one I may suffer for a long time for. The last one like this was about 8 years ago, and I still suffer from it. This one's worse, so the rest of my life isn't out of the question. Others may suffer just as long. May, but hopefully not. God is awfully merciful and awfully gracious. Some have sinned greatly, and God miraculously made the consequences very small. He could do that for me. I believe He has the power, but I don't know that He will. I'm afraid He might say, “Seth, I tried giving you a lesson with lesser consequences, but you didn't learn. You will suffer now. This burden will not be light. And you will know that you have made others suffer as well. Their burden will not be light as well. And it is you who put that burden on them. See them suffer and know that you, Seth, are the cause.” That is what I am afraid God is going to show me as things unfold. All that for three reasons. The first being that I believed Satan when he said there wouldn't be consequences. The second being that I based my obedience on whether or not there will be consequences rather than on what is right in the sight of God. The third being that I'm a selfish bastard who cares more about himself than anyone else.

Whoever you are reading this, my general disposition towards you is probably that I'm smarter than you, better looking than you, more athletic than you, a better Christian than you and a host of other things (and yet despite all this I'd probably somehow also include in there that I'm more humble than you). Now I say this is my general disposition. It is not my current disposition. I don't really have a disposition towards you right now because I can't see you. I have no eyes, and I am laying outside in the grass. The reason I am doing this is because I am dog shit. If you can think of a more derogatory term then insert it instead. Maybe pig shit. That's probably most appropriate all things considered. Or maybe the shit from the dog that ate it's own vomit. That's fairly low. I consider myself in those categories. Again, if you have anything more derogatory, I claim that title as my own. The very superlatives that I pride myself on make my sin all the more grievous. I have read very good books. I have sat under very good ministers and heard countless solid, biblical sermons. I have very good Christian friends. I have felt communion with God to the degree that everything on earth became as loss. I think I understand to some degree the mystery of the cross. I think I have a higher view of God than most, and a lower view of man than most, and thus view the great chasm that Christ crossed to redeem me doubly greater than most. And yet, I said, not literally but in effect, to hell with you Christ. Thanks for going to the cross so I can sin. I'll repent later but for now I'd rather sin.

Damn me. I know I won't burn for this or any other sin, but whatever pain and suffering God brings, I'll deserve it and more. God, pour out your wrath on me. Let me suffer for my failings, but please be merciful to anyone else who suffers on account of me.

Will you work even this for good? Will I someday praise You for this trial? It seems impossible, but I trust Your ways are so much higher than mine that this web of sin I've woven will work itself into the beautiful tapestry of my life that glorifies You, Most High and Exalted God.

I'm sorry, God. Thank You for forgiving me. Thank You for loving me. I don't know why You do. I don't think You should, but I'm glad You do. Whatever happens, I know that as long as You love me then everything will be okay. I love You, God. I know I don't act like it, and I know I usually love myself more, but I do love You. I want to love You more. I don't want to be a selfish, prideful bastard. I want to be humble and serving like Christ. Please help me.

Corbet's Couloir

Just another quick update. We had some great powder the other day, and so I went to the top of the mountain and did Corbet's Couloir. Since I'm sure you have no idea what that is you can google it or go to http://www.forbes.com/video/?video=fvn/lifestyle/ms_ski012507 and watch some videos of guys running it. It's on youtube as well and is maybe the most famous US run. I totally botched it (along with another chute called the Waterfall that I botched), but I'm still pretty happy to have done it my first season snowboarding. The video shows one preview and then brings up a second one that has it actually being done. I also did the expert chutes, but they're pretty tame. I might try and get my buddy to film me running it next time.

Seth's snowboarding synopsis

20080206

Been a while again. I can see how it's hard to keep up with these things when you live a normal life. While I was traveling it was no problem to spend 2 hours in a library typing up an update, but now with the confines of normalcy (work and maybe a somewhat unnatural snowboarding habit), it's hard to want to spend the time typing. With normalcy there's also just not as much cool stuff to tell, but I'm sure my adoring audience enjoys my everyday life as much as my eccentricities, so I'll oblige them. I wrote a blog recently that I never published basically telling about a near death experience I had snowboarding. Maybe it wasn't near death, but it was near really painful. I was basically flying through the air about to hit a tree, but fortunately was able to bring my board up and deflect most of the blow. It was a pretty hard impact that I though broke my board in half, but “only” broke the metal edge. But I decided not to publish that one and will rather tell about the near death experience I had yesterday snowboarding. Again, it wasn't really near death, but I'm surprised I came away unscathed. Truly we are all immortal till God is through with us. As for the mishap, I have been progressing quite rapidly with my snowboarding skills and am now going through the terrain park hitting jumps. I started doing jumps a while back, but they were usually pretty small and with powder landings, so even if I busted it was completely safe. The terrain park is different though. It's pretty hard pack and the jumps are pretty big. Plus they are actually jumps while what I was doing before were mainly drops (a couple have been up to about 8 ft. drops which are pretty cool). Anyway, yesterday a friend and I went to the top of the mountain and made an out of bounds run through Rock Springs (great powder) all the way back down the mountain. He left after that, and I didn't want to go off on the mountain by myself in case something happened, so I decided to do laps through the terrain park. I made probably 7 or 8 runs getting some pretty big air (I imagine sometimes I land 15+ ft. from the point of take off) and landing all of them. The terrain park has landings for the jumps, so it's not a super hard landing (unless you totally clear the landing slope and hit on the flat ground which I did a couple times). Anyway, I was making my next to last run and hit the first three jumps better than I had at any point thus far. This in and of itself was good, but that meant for the 4^th jump (which is super steep, and I believe is designed for doing flips off of) I had more speed than I'd ever had on it before. Because it's so steep, it's hard to keep yourself centered over the board. I'd unconsciously been able to do this before, but this time when I went off the jump my board flew out from under me, and I pretty much went flying through the air kind of superman style. While sailing through the air I had a moment to think, “Hmm, this isn't good. I'm about to land head first. I hope this doesn't hurt too ba......” before I felt my face and helmet smash into the snow. I'm not sure I hit head first or if some other part of my body broke the fall first (one of my pinkies is hurting today, so maybe it hit first), but regardless, I hit pretty hard. I really don't think I would be writing this if I hadn't been wearing a helmet (not that I'd be dead, but I'd have at least a concussion for sure). I think I only hit part way on my helmet and rest on my goggles because I totally busted up the lenses. The bridge of my nose is a little bit sore as well and my cheek from where the goggles got mashed into them, but considering what happened, I must once again admit that I am incredibly blessed. Unfortunately no one saw it (or got it on video which would have been even better), so maybe it wasn't as bad as it seemed to me, but it's hard for me to imagine a worse way to land. Go off a jump and pretty much dive straight down. But if you have any fears, I am fine. Today I did the terrain park several more times (though I did purposefully avoid the 4^th jump) and everything was fine. I really want to get some pictures to send you all, so you can see what I'm doing. I'm also kind of wondering if I'm getting as much air as it seems. I've seen a lot of other guys much better than me go off and do tricks and stuff (which I'm not doing yet), but I don't think I've seen any get as much air as I get. Not that they couldn't do it, I'm sure they could, but they don't for whatever reason.

Well, I miss you all a ton. September may be the earliest I get to come visit, but any of you all are welcome out here. A friend of mine who owns a house said you can stay with them in their guest room, so the quality of my living accommodations that Josh mentioned shouldn't be a hindering factor.