What I've been up to

Well it has been quite a while since my last post. I'm sure you all have been sitting on the edge of your seats, checking multiple times a day to hear a word from me. As for my Civic, because I had taken out the back seat (to make more room), it's trade in value dropped to $0. While at the impound lot, it also wracked up about $200 in fees, and I ended up just signing over the title to them. All in all it cost me about $100 to get rid of it. In addition the blame for the accident came down solely on me, so I have a ticket to pay and insurance gave me nothing (though they did cover damages to the other party). I bought a 96 Toyota Corolla, and though not quite the car I had in terms of power and gas mileage, I am thankful to God for His provision. All of this has severely dampened my plans, as I have $4000 less to live off of for the next four and half months, but am confident that I can manage. Perhaps I may even have to be frugal out of necessity rather than choice.

For the next couple of nights I will be staying with a family from the church I've been visiting here. I spent a night in my car while visiting Rocky Mountain National Park (a magnificent park and relatively unknown compared to some of the others), but the majority of the time has been spent at my friend Matt's apartment. I really don't even know how many nights I've spent at his place, but it has been several.

Today I again went flyfishing on the South Platte. After a couple hours without success, I again tied on a grasshopper pattern and began drift fishing it along the bank. About 20 yards upstream of where I caught my fish mentioned in my earlier post, I was again blessed. The fly was drifting through some rapids, at which point I lost sight of it in the foam, but saw a splash near where I knew it was. I took up the slack, hopeful, but unsure if the fish had taken my grasshopper. The line tightened but the fly stayed under. I was either hung or had one. I pulled on the line a bit more and felt movement, then saw the telltale silver flash of a fish fighting. I maintained my composure a bit better this time, and without a whole lot of difficulty, drug him on to the bank. It was a nice rainbow, probably 14+ inches (by far my biggest trout). Of course nothing goes without incident, and several times he wiggled out of my hands, but fortunately I hadn't removed the fly. When my buddy Ryan arrived with my camera to take a couple shots, I realized my 1 GB card was full. Eventually we got the pictures (which can be seen at www.myspace.com/weedyseadragon along with my RMNP pictures) and released the fish. Many would consider a day catching one fish pretty miserable, but I was quite happy.

I've been reading “The Salvation Controversy” a Catholic explanation of the differing views of salvation. I am just now to the author's explanation of TULIP and am anxious to see what problems he has with it. It has been very enlightening up to this point. It has cleared up a fair amount of confusion regarding terminology. I think Catholics have done a poor job of qualifying their statements, and Protestants have done a poor job in overreacting to Catholic terminology. I also just received “He Shall Have Dominion” in the mail and have read through the foreword. It comes highly recommended by Pastor Russ and is regarded as the definitive exposition of the post-mil position. I am anxious to delve into it, as I am very ignorant in my eschatology. It is a 500+ page book though, and I imagine will take me some time to finish it.

I am at last planning on leaving Denver, probably Tuesday or Wednesday of next week. I am somewhat reluctant to do so, as I have made several friends and have truly enjoyed my time here. I have not, however, met a girl enticing enough to keep me here, and so the lure of adventures in unseen mountains and the Pacific northwest pull me on.

My plan is to perhaps visit RMNP again, then to WY to see the Wind River Range, the Grand Tetons and Yellowstone.

Hope all of you all are well. I appreciate the comments, emails and correspondence I receive. I honestly really look forward to hearing from you.

Confession and repentence

I am cut to the heart. Today I heard an excellent sermon on 1 Corinthians 13 and must confess that I am an utter failure as a Christian and repent before God. It was nothing new, but I believe I was more ready to hear it now. After a sober-self assessment, I must confess that if anyone has never loved, it is I. I have rejoiced that my external conformity to God's law has increased, but neglected the very heart of obedience. I have sought to speak and write with the tongues of men and angels, and have sought to grow in my knowledge and understanding of the mysteries of life, and have trusted in God's good providence above all, and have entertained ideas of taking vows of poverty and even dream that one day I may be counted worthy to give my body for the sake of the gospel, and at last have realized it has been, is or would be all for naught. None of these works would pass through the fire of judgment. It would do me no good nor bring any glory to God, for I have no love. I do not suffer long, in fact I suffer none at all. I am not kind, only indifferent. I envy all who have what I do not possess. I can think of no one who parades himself more, nor anyone who is more puffed up about so little. I am rude to all who are not as I am, and have only ever sought my own. There is not one deed that rises up in my mind to oppose my conviction of self seeking. I have prided myself on my patience, but it is a patience of indifference. I have no tolerance for anyone who opposes my preferences. I see first always the evil, and only reluctantly accept a brother. I rejoice when judgment comes on any but myself, and despise the truth when it convicts me of sin. I have borne nothing, distrust all, hope only for final redemption and can endure only pleasure. Love never fails, but I have never succeeded. The sum of all the commandments, love God and love thy neighbor, I have missed. Oh, wretched man that I am.

I have said it is doubtful I will ever marry because it is doubtful I will ever find someone (other than Christ) who I consider worthy of me daily giving myself for. Someone who I would sacrifice my own hopes and dreams for. And while it may be true I have this freedom in choosing a mate, who am I too say who is worthy of my efforts? What rights do I have when I have been bought and paid for by Christ's blood? In truth I have no efforts, for all that I am is Christ's, and all my efforts are Christ's efforts. I can not say someone is not worth my personal goals because they are such and such a person and not such and such a person. Christ came and gave His life for just such and such a person, sinners great and small, of whom I am chief. In fact it is only in giving my life for just such and such a person, that I can attain any worth. This is exactly what Christ has called all Christians to do, just as He did, give their lives for undeserving people.

Lord, forgive me of my wretchedness and give me a heart for others rather than myself. Amen.

Been a couple days since the car update. The situation at present is that my car is totaled, I sold it for $400, and should be getting a 96 Toyota Corolla next week (how a chick can resist a guy driving a 96 Corolla that gets 40+ mpg is beyond me). For now my buddy Matt, who I was staying with, has given me his car while he's in LA (brave guy, I know). But since he's out of town I'm staying with a pastor and his family until he gets back. Really I can't even express how much God has provided for me. I've wanted for nothing. The time spent with my Catholic friend was I think beneficial to us both, and talking and listening to Pastor Russ has been very enlightening.

I also had the chance to read two excellent books, A Refutation of Moral Relativism and Good News About Sex and Marriage. A Refutation of Moral Relativism really does totally show the inconsistencies and irrationality of relativism, and I am convinced that those who hold to it do not do so out of intelligent, thoughtful evaluation of the arguments, but out of willful suppression of the truth to ease their consciences. Good News About Sex and Marriage is the incredibly condensed version of John Paul II's Gospel of the Body. My Catholic friend and I are about to begin studying through this work, but it's so heady (and probably beyond my intellectual grasp), another book, Theology of the Body Explained, (a commentary on Gospel of the Body) is necessary. Together the two of them are above 1200 pages, and this is undoubtedly the most in depth study I've ever done, especially on one issue. Why I am choosing to do it on this issue (which the titles are somewhat misleading, sex and marriage is the subject, the body only in relation to them, not the stewardship of the body) I'm not completely sure. Partially because my understanding is so warped and un-biblical from our degenerate society, and partially because I believe Christian reformed circles (and non-reformed circles even more so) are sorely deficient in this area. I also believe this to be at the heart of the destruction of true masculinity and femininity, primarily responsible for the breakdown of the family unit and more so than anything else why our society is going to crap. It is interesting that in A Refutation of Moral Relativism, the author makes the case that the primary reason moral relativism is so attractive is as a means of justifying illicit sex. I have to agree because it's on these grounds that I would like to accept moral relativism, but thankfully I cannot accept what I know to be a lie.

On a completely different note, I just watched The Great Global Warming Swindle at
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-3028847519933351566
I recommend everyone watch it, just as I recommended everyone watch An Inconvenient Truth. By avoiding it you are choosing to remain ignorant on one of the most important cultural issues of our day (whether it should be or not is debatable, but it is regardless). If you believe the whole global warming thing is bs, you should watch it to get some intelligent reasons to believe it's bs, rather than just the, “The earth is so big.” If on the other hand you are one who thinks anyone who doesn't believe in global warming is an idiot, you should watch to find out how intelligent people are able to not believe in it.

The film was very instructive about the origins of global warming, the influence the media has had and most importantly, rational alternatives to the very observable global warming. I think one fundamental issue that people need clarification on is what global warming is and is not. Global warming in and of itself is not really debated, it's a pretty observable fact. The issue at hand is whether or not man is primarily responsible for the warming (due to the greenhouse gas CO2 resulting from human industry, etc).

And though I would now say I really don't think global warming is that big of an issue, this does not at all affect my stance on things such as reduce/reuse/recycle and pollution. My stances concerning these are not pragmatic, but absolute. Environmental pollution and failure to reduce/reuse/recycle are all areas of poor stewardship of the dominion mandate God has given us to rule the earth. They aren't wrong because of the outcome, but because they are failure to obey God's command. Fortunately we have such a God that is infinitely wise that He has made those things that are harmful sinful and those things beneficial to us allowable. This however kind of gets into are, “Are they wrong because He commanded not to do them, or did He command not to do them because they are wrong?” Ultimately I think they are wrong because they are contrary to His character and thus He commanded against them (or positively speaking, He commanded for some things because it was in accordance with His character).

At the end of my journaling last night I wrote, “Lord, I am ready. Only please be gentle for You know I weak. Nevertheless, not my will but thy will be done.” I have often prayed such prayers that God would try me and test me to refine me and rid me of my worldliness. I have always made this request with some fear, for I knew the chastisement of God would not be pleasant at the time, but necessary and ultimately for my good. Despite these prayers I was not expecting to be in a car accident this morning with a possibly totaled car, ticket for failure to yield, likely higher insurance premiums and unlikely to receive any reimbursement for the damage to my car. Thankfully no one was hurt, and the only damage was to the vehicles. I am somewhat at a loss as to what to do (since I not only lost my means of transportation but also my house), but am confident God was and is watching over me. My friend Matt, who I was visiting, has been a true friend and brother to me in remaining with me and offering me a place and even places to stay almost indefinitely. Truly God is merciful with His people even in His judgments. I am still waiting to have the damages to the car accessed, but I believe it is substantial. Of the damage to my possessions I don't know yet, but I believe my guitar is destroyed.

I am undaunted, however, for I am as certain or more so of God's work in this as in any good gift I have received from Him. Lord willing I will soon continue on with my journey, hopefully more sobered and thankful than before. Certainly this could have been my end, and while I am ready to die and even think with joy that I was so close to seeing my Savior, I am confronted with my own mortality. I feel compelled to ask you, my readers, if you have confronted yours, or do you amble on through life with no thoughts of eternity. Does your conscience pain you, or have you ignored it for so long you can no longer feel it? Or do you think that God will not require payment for your sins? I know my life of selfishness, worldly lusts and pride scream out in condemnation of me, but I have an advocate with the Father, my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Can you also say that Christ is most lovely? That all your hope is in Him? Or do you even think of Him? Whenever your time on this earth draws to an end, be it soon or late, and your secret thoughts and deeds rise up to drag you to hell, who will be your advocate? He alone is able to save, but He is willing only now. No amount of pleas will move Him with compassion in that day. You will be told, “Depart from me for I never knew you.” Do not think yourself in no danger because you are no worse than me. Indeed, my sins are great, but my forgiveness is greater. God through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ is alone able to forgive sins. Apart from Him you will perish. I speak not of muttering some prayer in a moment of guilt, but in a life of dying daily for Him. Of ever falling more in love with Him. This is what it is to be a Christian. I regret my life has been such a poor example of this, but I beg you not to reject the message because of the messenger. Do not let even this blog rise up to condemn you, for truly you are without excuse before the Lord. I am not trying to judge you, for I cannot see into your soul, but judge yourselves whether you are in the faith or merely deceived.

Seth

What I've been doing in Colorado

David and I left the Denver Tech Center Marriott this morning, dropped off Ryan's flyfishing stuff I had borrowed and headed to Buena Vista, CO. It was an amazing drive along highways 285 and 24 that made a great backdrop for some good conversation. I am at this moment sitting on a crude stool made from an upended sawed log, being warmed by a fire I built, in a gorgeous, rustic but comfortable wood and stone chalet perched at 12,106' overlooking the headwaters of the Arkansas River, journaling for the past several days. The chalet is surrounded by 1000 year old bristlecone pine and currently there is a very impressive lightning storm going on all around me. Many of the bolts are in fact at my elevation out over the valley. The road to get here climbed more than 3000' over a couple miles and was far and away the worst road I have ever been on. It is barely wide enough for one vehicle, one side rocks, trees and the mountain and the other an amazingly steep drop off. Fortunately our rented Ford Edge had enough clearance, but we still scraped several times going over the huge rocks and deep runoff ditches. We of course ran into several vehicles (usually large 4x4 type vehicles) going the opposite direction, which always resulted in a pause while each examined who had an easier job backing up into one of the few places wide enough for two cars side by side. These were often the most dangerous times as we almost tipped over trying to ride too high on the mountain side once to allow a car to pass and several times riding on the very edge of the cliff. A drive I do not want to do again, but glad I can say I have done it.

It is exactly these experiences, theses perfect moments that I began my trip in search of. Yesterday (August 1st, 2007) I flyfished the South Platte River. It is just as I had imagined a perfect mountain river to be with steep valley walls, rock outcroppings, boulders littering the stream, the occasional small waterfall and the promise of seeing a rising trout. I met an older retired gentleman who was leaving as I was suiting up (which takes a while considering there are waders, 4-piece rod, reel, line, leader, tippet, fly that all had to be put together or on when I got there). He seemed eager to talk, and I was glad to try and glean some tidbit of information from him (he did tell me to make sure I visit a certain lake in Wyoming, which I'll not name here, but do plan on stopping to see on my way north). At last I was wading in the river and fished for a couple hours with no success, but not really bothered by it. The reality of being there and the possibility of success was still very satisfying. Eventually I broke for lunch, found a shade tree overlooking the river and had my devotion and practiced guitar for a couple hours. The only things that could have made it better would be to catch a fish or have someone there to share in the realization of the beauty of what was being experienced. When my fingertips began to hurt, I resumed fishing with a grasshopper pattern that I knew would catch fish if I could only give a good presentation (Earlier in the day while walking on the bank a grasshopper had jumped out of my path into the water. Taking this as an opportunity to see if trout were feeding on terrestrials, I watched him as he floated down stream no more than 15 feet before one rose to take him, missed and immediately came up again and sucked him down.). I had fished with this knowledge for perhaps an hour and a half before I saw and heard a fish come and take my own grasshopper pattern as it floated in the current. The knock on the rod confirming that the fish was not only there, but attached to my line was enough excitement and surprise to elicit an “Oh $@!*.” as I frantically tried to take up the slack and fight him from the reel. He was a rather small brown, no more than a pound, but if you have seen trout and especially if you have enticed one to take a dry fly or floating pattern with a fly rod, you know their beauty and supremacy above all other fish. After much blundering I at last reeled him close, but not having a net, had to try and grab him bare handed (no easily task using a 9 foot rod and thigh deep in water). My line broke and he was gone. And yet the happiness I got from that touch with God's creation is really more than I can express. I think I will go stand outside and watch the lightning a bit. Tomorrow David and I attempt Mt. Princeton, my first 14'er (14'er is short for 14,000 peak. Though not extremely dangerous, they aren't something most people can just do, especially a flatlander like me, so I'm a little nervous.). This is the happiest I have been in a long time. I praise and thank God for His graciousness and blessings.

Later ,

Seth

(Sorry if you found the fish story boring, but it's my blog, and that's what I've been doing.)